took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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