the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
