Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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