theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
