You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
