i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
