I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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