I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
