I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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