using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
