You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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