is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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