I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
