How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
