i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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