ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just want to make out with him forever
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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