True but thats because hes a fetus.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
