Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
