I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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