I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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