$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
