Soap is not a condiment
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
