Welp...herpes.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
