We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
