Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
