apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
