I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
