I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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