I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
