Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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