I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
