it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
