Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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