This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
