You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
