when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
