if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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