One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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