Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
