I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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