I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
