There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
