I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
