you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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