I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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