ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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