It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
