living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
