When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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