thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
