i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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