my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
