We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
