So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
