Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
