I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
