guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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